A friend of mine was telling me that his family was having a lot of arguments about stupid petty things. His wife and kids all wanted to do things their way until one day he said to them all
Listen family you all want this and you all want that but at the end of the day. Who’s running the show?  There was silence in the room.
Then he announced, I am the man of this house, I am the leader of this family and I’m running the show so we will do it my way.

Leadership
Every family, every community, every country and every event has to have one person at the top who’s in charge of running the show.
I am not sharing my life story with you in order to get sympathy votes, I’m sharing it because I’m being told to share it by the one in my life that’s running my show. 
Who do you think is running my show in my life and who do you think is providing me with the words to write in this book?
Some of you will know who it is and others will be just guessing.

Body mind and mad pills
It was 25 years after I shot my brother before I had my mental breakdown and I remember the time well.
It was Friday night and we had friends around for drinks and nibbles. Suddenly I had a tremendous feeling of fear come over me and I crouched down in the corner behind the couch shaking like a leaf with this feeling of fear.
I thought someone he was coming to shoot me. I could hear these footsteps coming up the drive way. Of course it was all in my imagination. My wife called the doctor and I was taken to hospital. They tried to give me pills but I would not take them because I thought they were trying to kill me.
Then I had this strange dream I dreamt I was in Noah’s Ark with all the animals and I was the one running the show.

Suicide thoughts
When they finally let me out of Hospital I was at home lying in bed feeling sorry for myself thinking about all the grief I had caused my family. I called my wife in and told her that I was sorry that I had let her down. I had caused her so much embarrassment because of all the crazy things I had done.
I said goodbye to her because I was planning to commit suicide.
Then this voice in my head said, yes you have messed up alright and now you want to make it worse by taking the cowards way out.
 You have messed up because ever since you shot your brother you have been trying to be prove to others that you are not a failure. You have tried to be the leader, the one running the show.
You have been trying to be the big shot trying to prove to others that you are in control when you are not.

Help me God
I sat up in bed and said to myself perhaps there is another way out of this valley. I cried the same human cry that we all make when we can see no light at the end of the tunnel. Oh my God if you are real and you are out there then please help me. He did help me he gave me the strength to get out of my bed and seek help.

I’m going to tell you about the treatment of my mental illness in a later chapter but in this chapter I want to share about my spiritual experience.
Up until this point I had never thought much about God. I went to Sunday school and I had heard other people talk about God the subject of religion but it did not interest me.

Who needs God
I was a big shot in town I was the Branch Manager of a major finance company. I had a company car and a low interest rate mortgage to go with my big fat salary.
I was on the committee of the Chamber of Commerce and a member of the Gentlemen’s club. I went around bowling clubs and racing clubs handing out trophies and cheques in sponsorship money. Who needs God in your life when you already think you are God by the way you are worshipped by others. One day I was cut down to size.
Just before my mental breakdown 2 men from the local Rotary Club came into my office looking for the manager. I was the manger but they ignored me and invited my assistant manager to become a member of their Rotary club
I thought it was a bit strange at the time but then I reasoned that they probably heard I was once a greasy sheep shearer and besides I did not attend the right school.
 After I had my mental break down all that stuff did not matter any more. After 9 years service the finance company gave me 12 months holiday pay and told me not to come back. I can’t say I blame them after all who wants a man that has suffered from mental problems running the show.
As I was getting my life back together I kept running into people who called themselves Christians. When they heard my story they suggested I should try God. They told me that there was a spiritual war going in the world between God and Satan.
It reminded of playing cowboys an Indians. God must be the leader of the good guys and Satan must be the leader of the bad guys.
I wanted to be on the side of the good guys but I first had to meet God.

My friend Wag
I was in charge of our family dog at the time and his name was Wag.
The kids got him as a give away from a cocky.  Half spaniel and half sheep dog . I came home from work one day and here was this mut on the lawn, skinny as a rake and about as scared as I was when I thought someone was going to shoot me. I said to my 2 daughters at the time you cant have that thing for a pet don’t you know you are not allowed a sheep dogs in town.
He had only been at our place for all of 10 minutes and they said, Dad we can’t get rid of him now we are too atached to him. I’m a bit of a softy when it comes to kids and animals so in a big loud growly voice I said Ok you keep him but you kids have to feed him and walk him everyday and by the look of the ugly mut him you had better call him wag. If you are a parent you can guess the rest of the story.
I took Wag for a walk everyday because the kids had become teenagers and had failed in their promise to walk him and feed him.

The Bridge to Life.
Someone had given me a small booklet called The Bridge to Life.
It explained how when we are born we are separated from God and we must build a bridge and invite God to come across the bridge and join us. At the back of the book was a prayer.
I had never prayed in my life so while walking with Wag one day I read the prayer out aloud to my  friend Wag. He seemed to enjoy the prayer because he kept wagging his tail more than usual. When I got home from my walk I just new something had changed inside of me. I had a feeling of joy and peace that I had never felt before. What had happened I had finally let go of the reins. I had given up trying to run the show on my own and in a simple prayer with Wag as a witness I handed everything over to God.
It’s now over 20 years since I made that commitment to God and everyday I have to keep reminding myself that he is the one running my show. God is also running everyone elses show provided they have humbled themselves before God by building a bridge and invited God over their bridge to meet him.
I’m going to write a whole chapter about my spiritual journey later in this book but in the meantime please feel free to share these first 5 chapters of this is my Journey with others.